"Oh man that sucks!" "Damn bro, what happens if you do?" "How do you live?!" These are the typical responses that come along with saying you can’t eat peanut butter. It always comes up, the dialogue is more or less the same, and yes it blows. I’m allergic to peanuts, FML.
It took over a year to come to this conclusion. I went to the Philadelphia Children’s Hospital to run tests, but nothing was solved. I had constant visits to the allergist who was a mindless twit that made my adolescent year of 5th grade a living hell. My doctor first instructed me to block out dairy and wheat from my diet. Think about that, as a child this really puts a damper on your sweet tooth habits. He wanted to see if my allergy attacks would subside and then we could narrow it down from there( He was obviously trying to help, but I still hate his guts). It didn’t work. The attacks kept coming and we couldn’t figure out what the trigger was. To give you an idea of what the allergy attacks were like, I would first get a severe stomach ache that would actually make me hunch over the pain was so intense. The tightness would then travel up to my chest and throat and constrict my air passages. It was like being choked to death. Not fun and scary to go through, I was a mess. This went on until my Mom finally cracked the case.
She kept a daily food journal of my meals and listed what I ate throughout the day. After adding up all the pieces she concluded that peanuts were the culprit. I died a little inside when I found this out, I loved peanut butter. Reese’s Pieces and Butter Fingers were my favorites. Peanut butter pie was a glorious desert. And a PB & J is a staple i’ll always miss. So where do I turn now, what can possibly replace this iconic deliciousness? Nothing. You can’t replace it, but there are a couple of alternative options.
I first started off with Soy Nut Butter. Hated it. This has a chalky cardboard taste, but similar texture in comparison to peanut butter. I tried to make sandwiches with this, and pretended I was eating something edible, but that soon grew tiresome. My luck had changed though when I was introduced to Justin’s Maple Almond Butter. It soon became the crack to my cocaine. I was hooked. It has flavor, saltiness and matches up with peanut butter in terms of taste. I know, I know PB lovers, it’s still not quite as good but I’ll take it. Anyone with a peanut allergy should know this brand and know it well. The only drawback, the price tag. Coming in at $9.99, I usually cringe while i’m tossing it in the cart. The chocolate almond butter is also orgasmic, I think I may have peed a little the first time I had it.
I still have thoughts of diving hands deep into a jar of actual PB, one last blissful moment before i’m carted away in an ambulance. Maybe one day, one day……